Ache...

Baby dedications...full of such great joy yet how it awakens that ache, that longing within the heart... It comes upon me suddenly like a gasp of cold air. How ungrateful I feel when the pain fills my heart.  I have so much to be thankful for and so much to feel blessed about. 

Sometimes the pain is so overwhelming that it blinds and obscures my eyes so I cannot see beyond it. I sit there heavy and weighted by the paroxysm of sorrow and anguish...perhaps even bitterness which weeps from heart. My throat feels choked as I worship before the Lord. I want to sing and release my voice yet a constricting feeling closes my throat. I am as rigid and stiff as a soldier before the Lord hiding my imperfections. 

If my heart's anguish was seen upon my face there would be endless tears, scars and blemishes. Worship is hard at times like this...