Letter from Dr Maruthini about our review appointment...

I thought I would just post this as it explains it better about how review appointment went and what the next plans are! 

Review Appointment...

Today we went for our review appointment at Nottingham! It was so lovely to see Dr Maruthini and to have a good chat about everything. 

Dr Maruthini was very happy with how the first cycle of treatment went however it did take me quite a bit longer to stimulate than expected. So she has decided to change the plan for the 2nd cycle of treatment. During the first cycle of treatment I was on the Short Protocol which lasts for approximately 4 weeks. With the Short Protocol you only have the stimulation phase. However this time Dr Maruthini wants to try the Long Protocol which lasts approximately 6 weeks this has two stages the down-regulating stage and the stimulating stage. She hopes that in choosing this protocol I will produce more eggs, perhaps between 10-15, as I will be on the drugs longer. She has also said that she will be starting me off on 225IU of Menopur from the very beginning as that seemed to be the best amount for me. 

Dr Maruthini was very confident that this second cycle will work out better simply because they know my body better now and what works best for me. So we then discussed when we are looking at starting the second cycle and it appears that May will be month! They have to apply for funding for our cycle within the next few weeks and once that is done they are all ready to go for us!  

We are both very blessed to be on this journey and we thank God for all He has done for us! 

Renewing Rest...

I cannot believe that it is only a week away till we go back to Nottingham again for our review appointment! This time next week we will be meeting with Dr Maruthini to discuss everything that happened in our first cycle and then we will see what we are going to do in our second cycle.

During the past couple of weeks I have been gradually getting myself back to normal. I felt extremely tired and weary after we lost the embryo but since then  I have been taking extra care in looking after myself. Making sure that I am eating healthily, getting back to walking twice a day, getting enough sleep and building my strength back up. I am feeling a lot better already and have certainly needed this rest emotionally and physically...

I definitely did underestimate the impact that the IVF would have on our lives and it has opened my eyes up to how difficult it must be for women who desperately want children and can't or women that have lost their babies. Losing the embryo has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through even harder than testing positive for HD... 

God has got me through this time and now I am ready for round 2! I am looking forward to the appointment next week so that we can really get an idea when we are looking at starting the second cycle! 

Pregnancy Blood Test Results...

Today we had the pregnancy blood test results which confirmed Friday's test, it was negative. We already knew that it was negative for definate as over the weekend I have had a bleed. Therefore CARE Fertility have now allowed me to stop the pessaries. 

CARE Fertility have booked me a review appointment with Dr Maruthini on 18th March to go through everything that happened in the first cycle of treatment and draw up a plan for the second cycle. It's then up to Jay and I when we want to begin the second cycle. Its obviously really important for us to have a break emotionally as well as physically for me... So I guess we will start when we both feel ready to again <3 

Negative...

Sadly today as we woke up to do the pregnancy test it came back as a definite negative. We used the Clearblue digital test as well as an ordinary pregnancy test. It seems that between Friday and now something obviously went wrong with the embryo, the most likely cause is a chemical pregnancy. 

We rang up CARE Fertility and after speaking to the doctor he felt that it was necessary to have a pregnancy blood test just to be absolutely certain as I had had a positive. So I went to my doctors and have had a blood test however the results will not be given back today. If the results come back as negative (which they are likely too) we will stop all treatment and have a 2 month break before starting a second cycle of IVF treatment. 

Will update as soon as I get the blood test results...

Difficult times...

Today has been one of the most difficult days yet... I didn't write a blog about it but on Friday we did an early sneaky pregnancy test and we got a faint but visible line which meant that we were pregnant. I tried so hard to contain my excitement and struggled to calm myself down. Both of us were so happy and felt so blessed. 

Today was the day for the pregnancy test from CARE Fertility and I felt surprisingly calm about it. We woke up at 6.00am and as we began to put the drops on the test I could feel my stomach whirling around and around. We turned away and didn't dare look until the 3 minutes had passed. Jay looked first but there was no happy reaction, I looked over his shoulder and to me there was only one line. I felt as though the whole world had come tumbling down on my head. I couldn't help but cry and nothing anyone said could console me. 

However after a few minutes Jay then said 'Look there is another line but it is really faint'. I didn't dare believe it, you could barely see the line, not like the other test we did on Friday. Jay went out to buy another pregnancy test and the same thing happened. So I rang up CARE Fertility to explain everything. The nurse said that having a line there at all indicates a pregnancy but I can't understand why my line is fainter not stronger. She said that all we can do now is wait and do another test on Friday morning. I have not had any bleeding yet only a few cramps so all I can do is wait...

I did read however that it is quite common to have a chemical pregnancy which is a very early miscarriage. Some women test and get a positive pregnancy test and then have only negative ones as the HCG levels drop. It is usually followed by a period like bleed so I just have to wait and see...

I don't quite know how I feel at the moment. One minute I feel as though I am bearing up and that I will get through this, next I feel so empty and weary and the tears begin again. Seeing Jay's face this morning was really hard, he looked so full of despair and was so eager to try and comfort me. I know it must be even harder for him and that he must feel completely helpless. 

You never feel quite the same again after all this. It has certainly changed me, this tiny embryo to me has been like a little person and the thought of having lost it makes me feel sick... I know that God has been with us throughout all this journey and is still with us now. Even though I am despairing today I still do have a small amount of hope left for tomorrow and the next day... I trust in God and submit it all to Him... 

I thank you all again for your prayers and support and please do continue to pray for us <3   

Waiting...

Tomorrow is the day for our pregnancy test! It has been a long 2 weeks and there has been times that I have felt so weary of waiting but God has been my rock and reminded me of all the blessings I already have... Jay has been so supportive and full of patience and together we have muddled our way through these 2 weeks. 

I have so many butterflies fluttering around my stomach at the moment and I have no idea how I am going to sleep tonight! 

I want to thank all the people who have supported us and thank you for all your prayers <3 Please continue to pray for us tonight and for our little embryo <3 

Psalm 130:5-6 

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning"...